Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

I Saw Her Coming

June 29, 2013

—∞—

 

About one block
Into my morning run
My moment of solitude
Listening to birds
Feeling the rain
Leftover rain
Last night’s rain
Peering over
Leaves’ edges
Before completing
Their journey
Plunging to the pavement
Below
 
I saw her coming
A half block away
Do you ever feel like
Not talking?
I mean really
Not talking?
Maybe I could
Commence my running
Pick up my pace
Smile and wave
Hurry on by
 
Anyway,
I stopped
In the sun
I stopped
Foolishly
In the burning-through-
Humid-morning-air
Hot sun
I stopped
We talked
And we talked
We talked
About her son
Normally with her
 
A man with a disability
Developmental
He is her constant companion
Except
When he is in daycare
A respite
For her
A break
For her
Relief from his 35 years
For her
So she walks
And she talks
If one stops
For her

 © 2013 Thomas W. Cummins

Momentary Dejection

June 25, 2013

—∞—

A fly buzzes
Hitting the screen
Wanting in
Wanting out
 
In hot, damp air
A ceiling fan
Hangs
Lifeless
 
Spots of moisture
Here and there
On floor, on table
Sweat, tears, or both
 
Silently, stupidly
A phone awaits
Replies
To unanswered calls
 
Birds singing
Unheard
Beautiful flowers
Unseen
 
On the horizon
A cloud
A single cloud
Coming or going
 
Bleakness, dejection
Momentary
But recognized
A fly buzzes

 © 2013 Thomas W. Cummins

Running Past The Funeral Home

June 22, 2013

—∞—

It sits there
Quietly
Facing the rising sun
 
Not a speck of dirt
Nothing but the shine
Of a pampered black car
 
It’s alone
At the head
Of a procession
 
Yet to be
Formed
Automobiles
 
From all over town
Friends
Relatives
 
But for now
No one
The lot is empty
 
The funeral home
Has no visitors
To come see
 
And grieve
And mourn
And, often, celebrate
 
Whomever
Lies alone
In the chapel
 
On
This hot
June day

 © 2013 Thomas W. Cummins

A Father’s Day Reflection

June 19, 2013

This post is a bit tardy. Father’s Day was a day of being more conscious of my own fatherhood rather than that of my father.

My father passed away in 1991. Shortly following his death, I had two very brief, clear, distinct dreams.

The first dream was at some sort of beach, or seaside. Dad was in the water up to his waist with his back to the shore. He was standing exactly where the sun was hitting the water, and the brilliant glitter reflected off the small waves blinded me to the point of his being nearly invisible. Fifty yards, or so, separated us.

I called out to him, and he turned his head slightly to the right seemingly having heard something. My voice, for some reason, wasn’t audible to me, as though calling out in a wind storm. That was the extent of that dream.

In the second dream I was walking down some unrecognizable hallway. As I walked past an open door, I saw my father sitting in a straight chair by a window. Wearing a white shirt, no tie, sleeves rolled up a couple of turns, and khaki slacks, he appeared to be in his early 30s with black hair and a mustache. He had his legs crossed. A cigarette hung from his fingers as he looked toward the door.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “Yes,” was his reply.

And that was that dream. I am sure Dad has been somewhere in hundreds of dreams over the past 22 years, but only these two survived into the daylight and my memory.

It is more than a bit interesting that the second dream found my father free from his paralyzing disease and massive stroke that rendered him speechless the last six months of his life. Gone were the ravages of career disappointments, shattered hopes and dreams, the end of flying airplanes, the debilitating effects of alcohol.

He was restored to a state of being that I would have seen at the age of three or four. An amazing and easily recallable image. In that dream, all had been erased back to Dad’s young fatherhood and the beginning of his career.

A Willingness To Be Present

June 17, 2013

—∞—

The threshold
Of the future
Is pulled forward
Slowly and surely
Second by second
 
Or stands still
As the past
Slips away
Retreating fitfully
But never completely
 
Our yesterdays linger
Sometimes
Directly behind
Taunting
Or back around a dim corner
 
Barely accessible
If warm and pleasant
Abruptly intrusive
Uninvited
If unhappy or filled with regrets
 
But what of our tomorrows?
Sometimes
Filled with hopes and dreams
Or other times with dread
Uncertainty
 
Days and years
Lying ahead
Our dwelling place
To be
Fleetingly or longer
 
Yet, they are
Empty
Years
Waiting to be filled
By us or circumstance
 
Health, family
Resources, friends
A spiritual foundation
A sense
Of the Other
 
All shape
A life to come
But, really, isn’t it now,
The present,
That will ultimately decide?
 
Our sense of self
Now
Our willing to be
Now
Our gratitude – now
 
Isn’t that what shapes us,
Now, and in the years to come?
How we view the past
Our acceptance of self and others
A willingness to be present

 © 2013 Thomas W. Cummins

Irreversible Change

June 3, 2013

—∞—

I’m thinking about the story
A man and a woman
And an apple
Was that a tale of our beginning
Or of our end?

—∞—

Down by the lake
On the shore
By the lake
Lies a pebble
One of millions, actually
 
Rounded
Smoothed
Deposited
By a glacier
Long, long ago
 
Where was it yesterday?
There or nearby?
Moved maybe
By a wind-blown wave
Or a passing boat’s wake
 
If it was moved
An irreversible change
To the entire universe
Took place
Tiny, but irreversible
 
What about us?
What are we doing?
How’s our piece,
Our allotted portion
Of the universe, doing?
 
Irreversible change
I’m thinking about sunlight
Stored sunlight, stored energy
As in an apple
As in coal, gas, oil
 
Why is the oil there?
The coal?
The gas?
Is it for us?
If so, to do what?
 
Are these tangible things,
These stored solar energies,
Here for our good?
Or are they the forbidden fruit
An apple … a poisoned apple
 
Perhaps that mythical tale
Two people and an apple
Is a story of our end, not of our beginning
A story about hubris and selfishness now
Rather than providing for those who follow
 
One bite or too many
Perhaps
An abdication of our stewardship?
Our misunderstanding of dominion?
A failure to faithfully respond?

© 2013 Thomas W. Cummins