Disappointing if not devastating.
But what do you do?
All my educational endeavors,
All that I have learned,
Focused on solving problems,
Addressing issues.
But that issue was a long time ago.
With in a day or two,
Decisions were made.
But only based on longings,
Longings from years before.
Family.
A desire to have more than just us.
If that desire is frustrated,
Alternatives can be found.
Adoption was an option.
Perhaps the only option.
The path chosen.
What is the meaning behind this?
Too quick of a reaction?
No time to come to terms with the dilemma.
No time taken for reflection, discernment.
Is there now a longing for that unrealized person?
That unknown and unknowable child?
I’ve never been aware of a grief.
Nevertheless it can be there.
Feeding a loneliness.
Aspects of Loneliness No. 6
February 14, 2023Aspects of Loneliness, No. 5
September 26, 2022
Who I am,
Where I am,
Entwined as one.
Where I am defining
Who I am.
Location, place,
Informed by time.
Time realized through age.
Age collecting fragments
Of time and place.
Who I am,
Where I am,
Entwined as one.
But disturbning time and place,
A disturbance infused with uncertainty,
Brings anxiety.
Relocation.
An uprooting from place.
Disturbed roots,
A feeling of loss.
Loss felt as loneliness.
Who I am,
Where I am,
Entwined as one.
New city, new job, new coworkers,
But no place to live.
No place to call home.
A house yet to be found.
Family anxious to join me.
Everything seems unreal, unsettled.
Lonely.
Who I am,
Where I am,
Entwined as one.
©2022 Thomas W. Cummins
*Aspects of loneliness
Aspects of Loneliness, No. 4
September 23, 2022More than just a hello to a passerby,
A topic of conversation
Other than the weather.
Everyone is interesting
On a morning walk.
Even those who don’t respond.
So much to notice.
Dogs, young children,
A sports car being polished,
Contractors unloading materials,
A dug up front yard,
Yard sign proclaiming Black Lives Matter.
Overhead a swarm of men on a roof,
Hurrying to beat the rising sun’s rays.
Shingles float down to a dumpster
Like leaves.
Making room for the new.
Their job done.
A temptation to engage,
To comment, to converse.
Is speaking with stangers
Triggered by loneliness?
Or just a need to hear myself,
Alive and present, mindful.
©2022 Thomas W. Cummins
Aspects of Loneliness, No. 3
September 12, 2022Long before any awareness
Even before I was aware of me
There were others
Asking nothing in return
Love and approval
Unconditional, unearned,
Came my way
Support and encouragement
Ensued for years
Most often taken for granted
Then suddenly through death
It all went away
Parents’ absence – real, palpable
Makes life seem lonely
©2022 Thomas W. Cummins
Aspects of Loneliness, No. 2
August 20, 2022A lonely feeling I don’t really miss anyone in particular At least not at the level of awareness Maybe there doesn’t need to be a personification of loneliness There could just be a hole in my heart, One that no longer aches But has yet to begin to heal. A grieving that is ever-present A grieving for what? A long hoped-for relationship? Something from long ago that is unresolved? Out of reach, inaccessible, unidentifiable, Yet so real? There is one I will miss That will bring a deep loneliness A long marriage brings forth another presence One beyond and outside either one of us Yet in us together Sacrament Oneness ©2022 Thomas W. Cummins
Aspects of Loneliness, No. 1
August 11, 2022
Something seems to be missing
There is an emptiness
But is it really empty?
Perhaps there is a presence
A presence that cannot be grasped
Something that is always there
Yet somehow missing
An emptiness
A longing
A longing that feels like loneliness
©2022 Thomas W. Cummins
In a dim light... 