Posts Tagged ‘personal’

All it takes is a little spark

May 15, 2010

“Eyes on the Prize” episodes 3 and 4 aired last Sunday. We recorded them for viewing during the week. 5 and 6 air tomorrow at noon in Saint Louis. Still can’t shake two dominant feelings as I watch the retelling of the civil rights struggle: embarrassment and sadness.

The fact that I tended to be somewhat oblivious to the magnitude of what was happening at the time illustrates, to me, how we are historically and culturally conditioned to interpret what we see and hear. Our conditioning also influences what we even bother to pay attention to. All I remember at the time was how mindless I thought the behavior was of those in the southern states. I hadn’t had enough inter-racial experiences to have the visceral reaction I have today.

It was a sad time in our history, and there are vestiges of that same fear and hatred deeply imbedded today. All it takes is a little spark to light the fuse for them to coalesce and bubble to the surface. And there are plenty of folks who still know how to play the game and get those sparks started.

Economic strife, the drum beat of xenophobia, demonizing those who need help, having one of “those people” in the White House, seeing a terrorist behind every bush, imagining that someone is taking our country away from us … all of that creates the perfect storm for foolish, thoughtless, and reckless actions.

A little fresh air and sunshine will be nice

May 14, 2010

Short visits to the prison are better than no visits. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Today, I needed to see three people (offenders in solitary)  for sure, and I needed to inform one other offender about future communion service plans. All of that was accomplished, and I returned home.

I should be up to full speed in another couple of weeks. Until then, a triage approach to my visits to those in solitary will have to suffice.

This weekend should see and end to the rain, and, hopefully, will present an opportunity for some leisure time outside. A little fresh air and sunshine will be nice … unless a “to do” list is being generated elsewhere, of course.

I can’t help but wonder

May 12, 2010

My Room 101 in hell will resemble a before-dinner reception at an out-of-town business conference.  There are few things I dread more than walking into a room full of strangers for drinks, hors d’oeuvres, and small talk. Am I an introvert? You bet!

Naturally, I can’t help but wonder how or why I ever got started in prison ministry. Walking into a solitary confinement wing of 30-36 men, each one out of sight behind a solid steel door with a tiny window, has never been easy.

As I approach each door, I don’t know what to expect: what does he look like, where is he  from, how long has he been in prison, why is he  in solitary confinement. That I am extending myself beyond my comfort zone is an understatment.

It’s even worse when I haven’t gone to the prison for an extended period of time. When I went down yesterday, it had been 5 weeks. The longer I am away, the more detached I feel … almost to the point where I feel I don’t belong, that I don’t fit in. I experience a slight disorientation. Anxiety and discomfort begin to surface as I enter the prison.

On the other hand, setting foot in those housing units got me back into the game. Once I got going, was standing at the first cell door, became engaged in the first conversation, things smoothed out.

During an extended absence, I miss doing the work. I miss the ministry. I miss connecting with the men.

I’m glad to be back although the summer schedule does get a little fragmented and there will be more gaps in my visiting. When I’m not going to the prison on a regular basis, something is missing in my life.

I find little joy in just keeping busy; I need something to do, something that makes a difference in my life and the lives of others.

One offender said that he had never thanked me for the bookmark with the prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola. I’m guessing I gave that to him a year ago. That’s why I go, to bring my presence or anything else to help add a little meaning to a pretty bleak existence.

Nothing that a little neglect can’t cure

May 9, 2010

A peaceful Sunday, Mother’s Day, afternoon. The Cardinals are on TV and are winning at this moment. The resident mother is enjoying an afternoon nap.

Earlier today, our outdoor sprinklers and timers were set up. All is ready now for some fresh plantings, clawing, mulching.

I don’t know where the moles went. They could be in sleeper mode with an insurgent push scheduled for when I’m distracted with other activities.

A trip to the roof yesterday enabled the completion of a short “to-do” list: checked and tightened antenna cable connections; blew leaves, seeds and other debris out of every nook and cranny … especially the crannies ; cleaned gutter screens, and polished up the skylight. Only one plugged downspout. Now the rains can come once more.

The yard is looking pretty good, but nothing that a little neglect can’t cure.

Isn’t that right Wall Street?

May 6, 2010

Today IS a better day. Open windows, a cleaned off patio. The first semblance of feeling normal since April 25. My partner is still not feeling well, however.

The situation in Greece is not good. Their debt structure and inability to create enough of a revenue/spending gap makes their recovery look like a very long-term exercise. Default, I assume, remains a real possibility with their having little capacity to repay lenders over the long haul. Even keeping up with interest charges will be tough.

I can’t blame the Greek populace for being upset. Much of what is happening to them on an individual basis resembles what happens here: The party is over, the shiny limousines have pulled away from the curb with their tipsy and self-satisfied cargo, and the check has been handed to those busing the dishes and sweeping the floor. Whether Greece’s socio-economic policy has been healthy and realistic over the years is beside the point. The little guys shouldn’t have to foot the bill. Isn’t that right Wall Street?

The British elections are today. The Diane Rehm Show this morning had an excellent panel to discuss some of the dynamics. One thing of note was the main distinction between their conservatives and our Republican party. They don’t have a religious right so the conservatives are able to be more responsive to the signs of the times and diverse constituencies … I guess, rather than being stuck in the Old Testament. The panel also noted that the disaffected conservatives in Britain have a leader whereas the Tea Party movement has no leader, (nor sees any need for a message rooted in reality, I say).

It will be fun to see what happens.

Tomorrow will be a better day …

May 5, 2010

Things are looking up. Heading to the store for some fresh fruit: pineapple and strawberries.

Our entertainment for the past few days has been some major excavation work at the house across the street. It seems their lateral sewer connection failed. The pile of dirt is immense; a large pink dogwood was lost, end of their driveway and two sidewalks demolished.

I know the guy operating the backhoe, but have talked with him very little during the job, not feeling up to snuff and all. He probably doesn’t miss my engineering assistance.

Everyone in our village  pays $28 per year into a community fund to help with such failures. If pooled funds are sufficient, 90% of the cost can be covered (provided proper bidding processes are followed). Ours went a few years ago with the repair at $4,000. Ninety percent helped! The job across the street is running around $12,000.

We are missing lots of beautiful weather in an attempt to avoid the tree pollen. Windows shut and the A/C on when they normally would not be.

Tomorrow will be a better day …