Archive for the ‘Spirituality’ Category

Little apparent gain or impact

July 15, 2008

I have a book of reflections by Thomas Merton, A Book of Hours, with the following quote on page 100:

I think what I need to learn is an almost infinite tolerance and compassion because negative thought gets nowhere. I am beginning to think that in our time we will correct almost nothing, and get almost nowhere; but if we can just prepare a compassionate and receptive soil for the future, we will have done a great work. I feel at least that this is the turn my own life ought to take. (an excerpt from A Hidden Ground of Love)

This statement has a sense of futility wrapped within a determination to do what one can in spite of little apparent gain or impact. It is a very “now” way of viewing life, that what we should do for others  is important in and of itself without needing an obvious and long-lasting impact.

As I drive home from the prison each week, there is a definite wondering, What good will that trip have done? But that isn’t for me to say, really. Since I’m not in one of those cells all alone, how can I even begin to assess what a knock on the door, and a conversation about good things, means to the person inside. I do know that a man last week did say, “I can’t believe this is happening. That you came here, and we are having this conversation.”

Where is God in this?

July 12, 2008

Today, I sent the following letter to the National Catholic Reporter:

On July 11, The St. Louis Review posted a full page “Decree of Extra-judicial Adjudication in the matter of Sister Louise Lears, S.C.” A full page! I can only assume the pillory couldn’t be located in the undercroft of the Cathedral. How embarrassing for the Church and unbefitting of the role of shepherd. Where is God in this?

Does it ever occur to the hierarchy of the Roman Church that Jesus wasn’t using the Pharisees as a reference for someone else? He was always and everywhere cautioning against our own inclinations to put dogma and doctrine before people, to think that “being right” trumps being “loving.”  In this posting of the decree, it’s the legalism to the point of public humiliation and diminishment of a child of God that verges on being highly immoral.

When I look at the decree, I am sure the Jesus I have come to know and reside with is appalled! I invite all who can, to find the opportunity to meet and get to know Louise. Just being with her and working with her, as I have, is to know the life-giving power of God’s grace. And I can say the same for our former Archbishop Raymond Burke, a very humble and loving man. But something gets a little askew when one thinks that Canon Law and Jesus’ teachings are one and the same. Throughout history, the best of men have become overzealous and hurt members of the Body of Christ. The decree was enough; the posting was unkind.

A matter of our being there

May 8, 2008

Last weekend found me on a three-day retreat in the prison. Still trying to recover, and it was a great success. We had 19 offenders and 12 retreat team members. The men really respond to a change of pace, environment, topics of conversation, group work, singing, prayer, and cookies.

It had been four years since I had participated in the retreat known as Residents Encounter Christ. Non-denominational with Catholic roots, the content is not a ram-it-down-one’s-throat effort. It is most often simply a matter of our being there and speaking about what we believe. The offenders are free to take it or leave it.

I must say, it was very, very good and most rewarding.

The other side of the steel door

February 16, 2008

Lent has begun in a more thought-provoking manner this year than in prior years. Ash Wednesday was very early, February 6. It is doubtful that it can ever be much  earlier. Easter falls on March 23, and the formula for Easter Sunday placement requires that a lot be squeezed into a very short time span.

Easter falls on the first Sunday after the full moon which follows the vernal equinox. In 2008, spring begins on March 20 which also helps. That, at least, allows two days for the full moon to appear.

So, in the dark and cold of winter,  we held an Ash Wednesday service at the prison from 1:00 to 3:00 p.m. I have a pile of transparencies for doing a group Stations of the Cross. We found an uncluttered wall in our small room which would be visible to all 18 offenders in attendance. There is a set of small ceramic stations for hanging on the walls of the main chapel. Instead of hanging them up, we passed them out at random. The holder of a particular station would read the “Christ speaks”  part for the station with the corresponding number shown on the transparency. Everyone else would read in unison the “I reply” portion. Reading the parts aloud can be difficult for some due to the emotions expressed in the writing.

When we finished, I asked a general question, “What did you think?” After a few brief responses, one offender began to share some very, very deep concerns in his life. I just listened. After a pause, one of the others responded. And then another. After 15 minutes, or so, most had offered  very supportive, encouraging, and understanding comments and suggestions. I had very little to say – even at the end.

A couple days later, on Saturday the 9th, I participated in our third Catholic Lenten Seminar at the prison. That session ran from 1:00 p.m. until 7:30 p.m. Again, I found myself speechless as thoughts, concerns, struggles were revealed and shared. Powerful moments were present during the seminar as during the Ash Wednesday service.

I must be getting old. All during my professional life, those who held positions like mine were expected to solve problems, fix and run things. In an environment like a prison, there are few things that can be fixed, and very little flexibility to “run” anything. It seems the only options are to be present, to listen, and to do what I can to help others take a different look at what’s going on in their lives.

The biggest single barrier is my lack of having experience in an offender’s reality. Particularly those in isolation. I don’t have a clue. There are times when I may get a glimpse at what it is like, but do I really have the foggiest idea? No.

My first conversations with incarcerated men were in December, 2000. Over these more that seven years, I have learned a great deal from hundreds of men. But on the other side of that steel door is a life I can’t even begin to imagine. The circumstances surrounding the lives of those men are beyond my comprehension. Being systematically abandoned, forgotten, despised by society – and often by family – is a condition unavailable to me … at least at the present.

As Lent moves forward, I will continue to reflect on what’s going on around me in my ministry.

Most of all, I am grateful

January 14, 2008

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In his book, The Holy Longing, Ronald Rolheiser speaks of “mellowness of heart and spirit.” Gratitude. Following today’s morning run, and most of my morning runs, a sense of gratefulness  is most apparent.

Thirty years ago this March, I thought I’d try getting some exercise. That first run on a cold Iowa afternoon is not easily forgotten. A few days earlier, I had measured off a mile on the streets of our neighborhood. That seemed a reasonable first try. It seems short now. But as I stepped out the door in my new Adidas “Country” shoes, I was apprehensive. The last time I ran a mile was during gym class in high school, some twenty years earlier. Throwing up after two laps around the track was the dominant memory.

I returned from that first run not too happy. My vision was pink. I was gasping for breath. The whole experience  didn’t look good. But thirty years later, I am most grateful for the decision then, and my being able to continue now. As I look back, it has really been life-changing for me.