I am fearful, sometimes

—∞—

At a certain age, I believe
I am standing at a trailhead
Stretching out under my feet
That final path curves out of sight
A hush surrounds
Slowly
I move forward
Uncertain, drawn
Pushed?

Or at the end of a hallway
Long empty walls
No color
No windows
No sound
But echoes poised
My own footsteps
My own breath
For now

Perhaps on a dark desert road
Nothing visible
Beyond the headlights’ arc
No trees
No roadside brush
No stars
Behind, total darkness
Ahead on the horizon a faint glow
Out of reach

Recent health issues
Found me fearful
Anxious
A sense of giving up
Complete surrender
Grudging acceptance
Not of my choosing
Alone
Very alone

It’s not that I’m afraid, per se
What’s next is not of my concern
But I am fearful, sometimes,
About persistent loss, now
Unresolved issues, now
A legacy of being misunderstood
Misunderstood to the point of
Not being loved, honored
Respectfully remembered

Time is running out
Not much to be done
Yet things have become undone
Time is running out
Loved ones unseen
Growing older
Old memories fading
New memories deferred
Or irredeemably lost

© 2014 Thomas W. Cummins

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5 Responses to “I am fearful, sometimes”

  1. maskednative Says:

    Lonesome poem Tom. A road we are all walking yet fear to acknowledge.Thoughts like these come, and go, what can we do but one day at a time. I hope you are ok.

    • Tom Says:

      Yes, thanks. I am fine. It’s just that an unresolved rift can change the tonality of all things, as though a stuck bass pedal … always there, hard to tune out.

      • maskednative Says:

        Maybe, when we acknowledge the unresolved issues, though heavy on our heart, the only way they find their healing is when we let go of them, offer them as our sacrifice to the bigger God.

  2. jmsabbagh Says:

    Great thought to ponder about.l accept what l cant change.Have a nice weekend Tom.

  3. chrisbkm Says:

    This is beautiful Tom… in a way that only the most difficult things can be. I hope that all is well.

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