A half smile and a nod

January 30, 2014

—∞—

If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?
And if I am only for myself, then what am I?
And if not now, when? – Hillel

Last evening, at the offender’s request, I was a ministerial witness to his execution. There were only two witnesses for him, and I was the only one who actually knew him. During the past 13 years, we had conversed countless times as I visited the prison where he lived. My role there is as an assistant chaplain.

From what I could tell, my eyes were the only ones he made contact with as he was lying on the gurney. He gave a half smile and a nod in response to my nod.

The above quote bubbled up as I reflect on this morning after.

A Willingness To Be Present

December 31, 2013

Another post from earlier this year … as we prepare to move forward from 2013.

Tom's avatarIn a dim light...

—∞—

The threshold
Of the future
Is pulled forward
Slowly and surely
Second by second
 
Or stands still
As the past
Slips away
Retreating fitfully
But never completely
 
Our yesterdays linger
Sometimes
Directly behind
Taunting
Or back around a dim corner
 
Barely accessible
If warm and pleasant
Abruptly intrusive
Uninvited
If unhappy or filled with regrets
 
But what of our tomorrows?
Sometimes
Filled with hopes and dreams
Or other times with dread
Uncertainty
 
Days and years
Lying ahead
Our dwelling place
To be
Fleetingly or longer
 
Yet, they are
Empty
Years
Waiting to be filled
By us or circumstance
 
Health, family
Resources, friends
A spiritual foundation
A sense
Of the Other
 
All shape
A life to come
But, really, isn’t it now,
The present,
That will ultimately decide?
 
Our sense of self
Now
Our willing to be
Now
Our gratitude –

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Memories

December 31, 2013

Today, as we step into another year, has me reflecting on this recent post as well as rereading (for the umpteenth time) Eliot’s Burnt Norton

Tom's avatarIn a dim light...

—∞—
 
Remembering the past
People, places
Events, feelings
From what vantage point?
I wasn’t there …really.
Oh, the person
I used to be
Back when
Most assuredly was there,
But, perhaps, not present
 
Who has ever been
“There” enough
Enough to see, feel
Enough to be present
Really present?
Was there an awareness
Then as now?
Am I remembering concerns,
Worries, hopes, fears
That weren’t even present then?
 
Who we are now
Seems so well-defined
Yet all of our past is colored,
Distorted, magnified
By today’s presence
Today’s presence
Erasing yesterday’s being
Yesterday’s being
Evaporating
Amidst today’s remembrances.

 © 2013 Thomas W. Cummins

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A Beautiful Child

November 17, 2013

—∞—

He calls out
Her voice heard
Down the hall from his room
 
Severely disabled,
He lies there
Waiting
 
We enter his room
Looking at him lying there
In the quiet children’s home
 
Others create a din
But they are in school
Now, nothing – stillness
 
I ask if I may touch
If he might be alarmed
“No, he likes being touched.”
 
I place my hand gently
Alongside his face
He presses in, steadily, lovingly

© 2013 Thomas W. Cummins

If not me, who?

November 17, 2013

I’m preparing to travel to the prison where an execution will take place at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday, November 20. In my role as a ministerial witness, my arrival is to be around 11:00 p.m.

The man scheduled for execution is Joseph Paul Franklin, a hate-crime serial killer. I have known Mr. Franklin for more than 12 years, and I have visited his isolation cell countless times.

Some may ask, Why bother? That question calls to mind a couple of lines from the movie, Longford, about which I have blogged previously. Lord Longford was on a radio show and was being challenged about his long, frustrating and futile efforts to free Myra Hindley, one of the notorious Moors Murderers in the early 60s. The crimes were horrendous, grisly.

Lord Longford: … Forgiving her has proven difficult, very difficult. Not for what’s she’s done to me, that’s neither here nor there; but for the terrible crimes themselves. Forgiveness is the very cornerstone of my faith. And the struggle to deepen my faith is my life’s journey. In that respect she has enriched my spiritual life beyond measure, and for that, I will always be grateful to her.

Lord Longford: If people think that makes me weak… or mad… so be it. That is the path I am committed to. To love the sinner, but hate the sins. To assume the best in people, and not the worst. To believe that anyone, no matter how evil, can be redeemed… eventually.

So, I told Mr. Franklin I would be there for him. And if the execution goes through, I will be.

Memories

November 6, 2013
—∞—
 
Remembering the past
People, places
Events, feelings
From what vantage point?
I wasn’t there …really.
Oh, the person
I used to be
Back when
Most assuredly was there,
But, perhaps, not present
 
Who has ever been
“There” enough
Enough to see, feel
Enough to be present
Really present?
Was there an awareness
Then as now?
Am I remembering concerns,
Worries, hopes, fears
That weren’t even present then?
 
Who we are now
Seems so well-defined
Yet all of our past is colored,
Distorted, magnified
By today’s presence
Today’s presence
Erasing yesterday’s being
Yesterday’s being
Evaporating
Amidst today’s remembrances.

 © 2013 Thomas W. Cummins